What the fuck is wrong with RevolverMag?

Dearest Groggy Little Cunts,

I'm sad to say that I believe my last update may have been a tad bit of a 'little white lie' as they say.

Never mind the global financial crises, which was orchestrated by the banking cartel families of the Illuminati for the sake of creating a unified, super global government; and those dead as a result of the wars still being fought in Afghanistan and Iraq, the threat of war looming over Iran, Syria, North Korea; ongoing strikes by the US military inside Pakistan killing innocent civilians (not a word of which is spoken about in the corporate-controlled 'Main-Stream Media' or 'MSM' for short).

Uh-oh...What's all this talk about large-scale wars against Russia? And if there'll be a war against Russia you can rest assure that China won't stay out of the fight.

Well, disregarding all that, we all still have our own 'personal problems'. And it's apparent to me that my last update about 'good things being on the (DISTANT) whorizon' was probably wishful thinking, or at the very least, something that would happen eventually in the future, but not necessarily just right now.

So what? Am I morning for the sad state of our world? No.

...Well, maybe a little. But am I concerned about our safety? Being the selfish bastard I am - yes - probably only as far as myself, and maybe my family...And you! Because if 'you' suddenly died, there would likely only be one other person reading this blog (me). And then it becomes kind of lonely. Y'know how it goes:

One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
Two can be as bad as one
It's the loneliest number since the number one

No is the saddest experience you'll ever know
Yes, it's the saddest experience you'll ever know
`Cause one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest number, worse than two

It's just no good anymore since she went away
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday

One is the loneliest, number one is the loneliest
Number one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
One is the loneliest, one is the loneliest
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
It's just no good anymore since she went away
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest
(Number) One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do

[Taken from 'Three Dog Night' classic "One"].

Okay, so what the fuck am I bitching about?

Well, it's completely irrelevant to virtually anything I've written thus far but it ties in with the theme of 'things going downhill'.

I recently (a few weeks ago or so) received a copy of 'Revolver Magazine'. I presume most of you know what it's about, but in case you don't it's about music, particularly the Metal music genre - sort of in the same vein as Hit-Parader and Decibel and to a lesser extent not too unlike Gerry Rothberg's now defunct Circus Magazine.

Well anyway, I got my copy...And being the lazy fuck that I am, I gave it a once-over and then forgot about it. My fault. (I guess, it's not so much that I'm lazy, I'm just preoccupied doing other things, but to simplify I just use the 'L' word to keep things short).

So anyway, my issue is the January 2009 edition (#76 - featuring MuDvAyNe on the cover). No - I did not travel into the future, if you've ever purchased magazines or comic books off the news-stand, you'll notice that they print these things, sometimes months in advance.

At any rate, I didn't really pay attention, seeing as I am the type to first 'flip-though' a magazine, waiting a few days (which invariably become weeks) before actually sitting down, and reading the whole damn thing, cover-to-glossy-cover...And so I missed the fact that I was able to download some free MP3's from their website, provided I entered a code within a due time frame.

Now, I'd like to add the fact that not only am I a lazy fuck, I'm also an expert-procrastinator.

So about 2 days ago, when I finally opened up my copy of revolvers magazine, I got to page 22 and noticed that I could download the following MP3's:

1. The Anabolics - Anabolically Correct - "Burnin' Headlights".
2. Inhuman - Last Rights - "GrindHouse".
3. Edguy - Tinnitus Sanctus - "Ministry of Saints".
4. Earth Crisis - Breed the Killers - "Ecocide".
5. Sylosis - Conclusion of an Age - "Conclusion of an Age".

So Today, I followed the instructions given on the page, and then went to Revolver's website and proceeded to enter my names (first and last) my email address, my gender...And finally before I hit the 'submit' button, I had to enter this months 'code' (which is/was: "mantas" - all lower-case) only to be confronted with this message "Incorrect Code Please Try Again".

And so I did it all over again. Same result.

I looked at the website again, only to see that there were 5 different MP3's from 5 different bands (namely: 'Cattle Decapitation', 'Darkane', 'Thy Will Be Done', 'Scale The Summit' and 'Billyclub Sandwich'). I figured these bands were likely better than the one's I was initially going to download (with the exception of 'Edguy' whom I already like and 'Sylosis' sounds like an interesting name, sorta the same way 'Neurosis' does) so I didn't mind much.

But no matter how many times I entered, double checking my typing/spelling, it kept giving me that same dreaded message "Incorrect Code Please Try Again".

I went back to my copy of the magazine, and read that the downloads were only valid from November 25th to December 22nd (I'm presuming they mean 2008, even though the issue is labeled for January 2009 - I mean, they're not expecting me to wait another 11 or so months to download 5 MP3's are they? Obviously not).

Realizing that today was the 21st of December, I thought I had a days grace to enter the code and get my free downloads. Let me emphasize the 'I thought' part.

I'm not sure what really went wrong, seeing as even right now, it's clearly a day (or a 'half-day' depending on where you live) before the deadline. I should be eligible to download those goddamn MP3's...But I'm starting to believe that RevolverMag has tried to 'beat the clock' on this one...And thereby, 'technically' scammed me.

Don't get me wrong, I like RevolverMag and was thinking of getting a subscription...But I'm wondering if I should reconsider.

What I need from YOU:

If you have purchased/received the January 2009 Issue of Revolver - and have successfully entered the code and downloaded the MP3's (I sure as hell haven't been able to) I would greatly appreciate it if you could post a message in the comments section saying that you have them, and if possible email them to me (or if you could make a .rar/.zip file and upload that to MediaFire or RapidShare, etc. so I can download it that way).

Any help greatly appreciated and 'thank you' in advance for anyone who tries.

Final Thought:

I like RevolverMag, and I'd hate to rip anybody off (unless your last name is 'Rothschild', 'DuPont' or 'Rockefeller', etc.) but can I help but to feel just a tad bit ripped of myself?! Regardless, 'file-sharing' occurs all over the internet, and pretty much everyone does it. It's probably not right, but I don't see it as being 'theft', since no actual physical item is stolen, and/or re-sold or plagiarized.

So...I've been thinking, perhaps We ('You' + 'Me', if I'm not too much of a slothful fucktard) should create a list of all the RevolverMag 'Bootleg-Series' codes for each months issue, and then post it so fans and readers who miss an issue or two can download the MP3's (they are 'free' after all - as it states in the magazine itself). As a matter of fact, an easy way for you to post it, would be to do so on your own blogs, or in the 'comments' section right here on mine!

Just an idea. Would be nice if you participated.

~Azzan~

Random Thoughts about some Hot Korean Bitch

Man, I don't want to turn this into another MMA-blog [or even set MMA as one of my usual 'themes' for articles - considering (a) no one with a life or a job with decent pay will ever read this and (b) I don't put out articles that often and thus should best focus my energies in writing articles about subjects that actually matter] but am I the only one who'd like to bang that hot Korean chick (or maybe she's Japanese) who is leaning on K-1 and MMA fighter Hong-Man "Techno Goliath" Choi (01-01-00) in the picture to the right? Or am I just the only one willing to admit it?

Man I sure hope she's not Hong-Man's wife or anything. I mean the guy's like 7'2", and would (b)/eat the crap out of me. I'd hate to fight that guy over her, well, maybe not, if it lasted like one *slap* and I fell to the ground pretending I was really hurt so the fight would end prematurely so I wouldn't actually get hurt (much like they do in 'fake-TV-wrestling') and then got to bang her afterward like it was Y2K all over again, and I have to have the greatest goddamn orgy in the history of the universe, because all of the computers would stop working on 2000-01-01/12:00-AM and then we wouldn't have internet porn, and airplanes would fall out of the sky and fly into the World Trade Center and then the government would use that as an excuse to invade Afghanistan and so they could tell us that they were looking for some guy on kidney-dialysis hiding in a cave, when all they wanted to do was to secure the poppy-crop so they could manufacture and export Heroine into the US and Europe and get filthy rich off of it and it would turn out later that the Osama Bin-Laden was a CIA creation and asset from the git-go, but a few billion people would be fooled and would get into a holy war over this silly shit, while the Illuminati laughs their asses off at us all.

(The Principle: It's really quite simple, first you 'ban' the drugs, that makes them rare, and then when something becomes 'rare', it's price skyrockets astronomically and hence you make record profits - and before you ask: Yes, the people who ban and criminalize the drugs are the same ones behind shipping them in!) ~Azzan~ (I don't know why I need to quote myself...Oh well).

Problem is I don't know her name, not that I really care to but I can't already find decent porn with her on the internet...And even if I did, I wouldn't know it's her, because again, I don't know who the hell she is. All I know is that I'd like to bang her with about a billion other girls. If I had it my way (I never do) instead of having threesomes and four-ways, I'd have me a billion-some.

Hell, I'd be satisfied having a 'six-hundred-sixty-six-thousand-six-hundred-sixty-six'-some.

...Okay fine maybe the STD's aren't worth it, nor is it possible to get that many people fucking at the same time and in the same room; so maybe 2 or 3 is really what every guy wants and some lucky bastards that aren't me actually get them but ya' never know.

...Damn! Now I forgot what I was writing about...Oh yeah, I'd bang that chick. I was looking at this very fine blog (which is NSFW and NOT created/run by me - trust me) hoping to find some decent Asian 'girl-on-girl', which I did manage to find at the given address - and so I got distracted there (by the way, also check out the eBooks section, some real neat stuff in there too!) and totally forgot that I've seen about a billion chicks like the one in the photo above.

But that I'd still bang her in a heartbeat if I could after all I am a horny bastard (AKA: Normal).

***

For me life is simple, I just follow the "Five-F's" (to help keep my life tidy and under control):

1. Fasting
2. Feasting
3. Finding
4. Fighting, and...
   
5. Reproduction (I'll let you figure out which 'F' this is).

Except I usually lose when it comes to #4, and as for #5: Gimme a break. Come to think of it, I've been doing a lot of #1 lately which is usually followed by #2 when I realize I have an appetite for something other then internet-porn (i.e. Pornographic-Magazines, my best friends little sister, his mom, that girl I'd like to bang from ninth/tenth-grade in high-school like a decade ago in English Class, and the other one the year before in Instrumental-Music and Mathematics, and the other one in Geography 2 years later, and the other one in Business, etc.)

As you can tell there are plenty of women I'd like to bang.

Why the hell am I telling you this? Who the hell are you to know about my private-social-life or lack-thereof?! Oh yeah, now that I think about it, I had that bitch of an ex-girlfriend...Actually she wasn't a bitch to me, we just sort of broke up because I moved a lot, and was unable (i.e. too fucking lazy) to visit her.

But as far as I'm concerned I just wasn't gonna take her crap anymore, and so I threw her out the door, and forgot to open the door so she just hit the door, fell on the ground with a broken bloody-nose and was like "What did you do that for?!" and I was like "I love you too!" and then I gave her a good hard 'soccer-kick' in her crotch and another to her face and then I ran like hell not because I was afraid of getting beaten up, but because I needed some exercise.

You buyin' that? Nah! Me neither.

I was running because I didn't wanna lose a fight to a girl, because it would totally be a blow to my manhood...And not in the way I would like it (in her mouth - where it rightfully belongs) so I just kept running, until I got to the airport and...

...Actually that never really happened, but I raped that bitch in the twat! And you in the face!! And your mother in the back-hole!!! I guess is the overall message, here.

Oh right, my girlfriend was a total bitch (and she beat me up every third or fourth day) and so was the second one whom I was banging behind her back. Holy shit! Now that I actually come to think of it, I actually had like 4 girlfriends...And at least 3 of them at the same time!

Now that I think about it, I absolutely hate women, and right now I wish I turned gay. I tried it back in high-school for a week...It didn't work out that well. Speaking of high-school, I also had like 4 teacher's through out my entire high-school career, that were like smokin' hot!

...Actually no, I'm exaggerating.

The first two were the 'acceptable' kind of women, you'd bang and not be ashamed to either show to your parents, or more importantly your friends - as their criticisms are often built upon criteria that actually matter (i.e. her looks Vs. the amount of nagging you have to put up with before tying her to your automobiles' rear-bumper and dragging her for a few blocks).

...But then there were two other teachers I had in my last year of high-school, that were really fine pieces of ass, let me just put it this way, they were "fresh out of teachers-college!" (or whatever the fuck they call it in the USA - since I assume most of my readers are living there; so like 2 people total worldwide).

Oh yeah, I tried to scrog two of them, failed with one, and got passed third-base with the hottest one. Those were the best 6 minutes of my entire high-school/gymnasia career. Actually, no, I diddled her a couple of times, went down did the whole 'lip-service' thing...AND THAT FUCKING BITCH WOULDN'T RETURN THE FAVOR!!!

What the hell is it with women?! Who the hell do they think they are, seriously?! At the very least my GPA could have gone up, BUT DID IT?!...Okay, maybe a little. But does that account anything for all of my sacrifices?! NO!! By that time, I was like already 18 and so I figured what the hell, I'll just go to an 'all night party' as they usually let people 16 and over in.

...And then I totally forgot about the ordeal since I had to buy a new computer, and was wondering which O/S I'd best use. I asked myself "Should I use Windows-XP or Linux?" The 'Apple-Macintosh' looked like an interesting and trendy item - largely due to the popularity of the iPod (and to this day I don't have an iPod) but it was too expensive and likely wouldn't have enough 'juice' for today's PC games, but with a traditional IBM-PC/Clone, I could run both Linux for added security and 'dual-boot' it with XP specifically for games.

Then I realized that I don't really play games, and haven't had time to since I was like 12, and so I scrapped the whole idea, because a game can take anywhere from a few hours, to a few months to complete, and I figured, I'm just not that dedicated. But I will again someday, as soon as I can find some time and what the fuck was I typing about anyway?!

URRGGGGHH!!! I'm suffering from Tourette's Syndrome in cyberspace or what I like to call "Internetourette's Syndrome". Isn't Tourette's some funny shit?! I've never actually known anyone to suffer from it (except this one guy his name was like Branjko or something) but I don't know if you could truthfully say that something as random and nonsensical as Tourette's Syndrome isn't funny. I mean, unless you're the (unfortunate) one who has it, and are going for a job interview, which I suppose wouldn't help land you an exciting career in public speaking.

As a side note you should know that the word 'public' is a contraction of the words:

'Pube' + 'Lick' = 'Public'.

Man, I'm a bloody fucking genius! And I'm going to scrog you brutally with my huminuscule wanker the next time you come to my 'boring-log' or 'borlog'. Fuck off! Take care and have a nice day...Wortheless cunt-maggots.

~Azzan~

PS. I totally forgot about the 'contest' for my second blog-entry. I'll tell you the name of the Castle and the book in which I was reading of it...Next update (hopefully - unless I forget about it for another 6 weeks) it's a neat story too!

PPS: If you know the chick in the photo and any porn she's been in (I have the 'right to dream' don't I?!) please send me the media-links because I'm a horny bastard always looking for something to ogle and drool over. Man, Asian chicks are nice. Actually my main preference in Blondes and then Asians. Or Blondes who are Asians...Or Asian-Blondes. I'm not making any sense. Why are you still reading this? Get lost already! Die! Read a book...Whatever you do please just go the hell away. GOD!